Worries..

Have you ever worried that a person that you care deeply about may be hiding something from you.. How do you cope?. I want to ask him so badly about what he has been up to.. I want to ask him about who he has been hanging out with, and about what all he has been doing.. However I don't want to intrude.. My biggest worry USED TO BE cheating.. He never told me when he was going to see her.. He would always go when I was busy or when I was out of town.. What was I supposed to think?. I never confronted either of them about the matter.. I regret that now.. What was really going on over there?. When I asked him questions he would never want to talk about it.. They used to be together.. I think.. He would always call her a b**** around me, and would never admit to even being her friend.. Yet at least one of my friends would always ask me if we were still together because they had seen him over there.. Wow.. I'm so stupid.. I do not believe he ever cheated on me.. However I'm still curious about the whole thing.. That is all said and done with for now tho and I have moved on to a way more troubling thought.. Cheating on me would hurt me and I would never think twice about getting back together with him, it would be a definite and immediate NO!. However if my latest worry becomes a reality it would devastate me and break me beyond repair.. If I were to find out that this boy I have been seeing (even sneaking around to see) has been doing the very thing that he knows would cut me the deepest and bring me down to the lowest low, I would simply die from a very painful tearing of every heart filled word, and every meaningful kiss, and every warm hug, and every lovely thought that had ever come across me during our relationship.. I would die of a broken/shattered/shredded/beaten/battered/torn heart.. I would forever be broken.. What could be worse than cheating many people ask.. My answer is Drugs.. I have been hurt before by an ex-boyfriend of mine (my boyfriend at the that particular time in my life) and I don't know if I can live through it again.. Both of these fine gentlemen know my stand point and my opinions of drug use and yet one has already betrayed me.. The feelings that I have for my current friend of the opposite sex are on a much deeper level than those that I had for the one track minded a** of an ex, and therefore my worry is much greater.. Normally I have a perceptive way about me that allows me to see through a charade that someone is putting on.. I can see if they are trying to hide something.. However this is not the case for him.. I cannot tell if he is trying to hide something from me.. He has a very addictive personality and almost every single friend he has is a pot head, if they have not moved on to other methods of getting their high.. He knows that it would kill me if he were doing something like this which gives him good motive to keep it hidden from me.. I do not trust the majority of his friends.. If they pressure him I am afraid that he will give in.. He already dips (he wont quit because he likes the way it makes him feel) and drinks (not worried about him quitting because that would make me a hypocrite).. However I do not drink to get completely wasted like he does for the major buzz.. The though has me worried and stressed to the point of exhaustion.. But what can I do?. It is his life and I do not plan on changing how he is going to live it.. If my suspensions are correct he will simply have to make a choice or I will make it for him, dying in the process.. And if worst comes to worst and the truth is that I have been fooled twice by my gut and by men I do believe that I would still have the deep feelings that i have now for this boy that I am dating now.. He means the world to me.. I truly do care for him with a large part of my heart..
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I know that you have no idea that I have this posting site.. And I pray that you never find out about it.. So if anyone reads this and knows who I am and/or knows who I'm referring to in this post I beg you to keep it a secret.. He has his secrets and I have mine..
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Please my friend be smarter than to fall into the clutches of the one true enemy.. The one that would tear my world, and your world apart in same and in different manners..
I NEED you Babe..
Now and Forever..
Forever and Always..

Signed,

That Familiar Stranger..

First Post..

This will be my first official blog post on my new account.. If I ever get any followers or if some one even just reads what I have to say one time, I would like for those very special people to know that I more than likely will not post very often.. My intention is to use this site as more of a journal than anything.. More like a place to vent, or maybe even ask for help.. People say that I need to open up more, talk, or just let it out, so here is my answer to yall's request.. This feels way wrong and goes totally against my nature, but writing has always worked as a way of expressing myself.. So.. Here goes nothing..

Signed,

That Familiar Stranger..